We are on the topic of feminine polarity, and I have noticed something.
I’m about halfway through both Fascinating Womanhood, and The Judgement Detox and I’m noticing something.
I want to be treated this way too.
It’s not asking for a manipulative “pretentious act” to earn love from a husband.
It’s asking for the golden rule. Allow me to let you into my head on the golden rule and why I can see that feminine energy (and also feminine polarity – which is different, but related) is directly connected with the golden rule.
Feminine Polarity and The Golden Rule
My download summed up.
A few years ago, when I was in the thick of my most painful times in my marriage, my husband still didn’t have a job after years and years of being laid off, getting small “filler” jobs, having those jobs end and boy did I feel insecure because I wasn’t being provided for the way that I felt I needed.
He was doing the best he knew how, but it just hurt when the food ran out and it was painful to be feeling like I had to work so hard to get my business going so that I could step up for myself and have some sense of financial security.
I also felt mistreated by his behavior as he went through his own hardship about being out of work. I can only imagine what was going on under his surface as a man who was doing everything he knew how to do to find good work, and just wasn’t getting hired.
I felt for him, and I felt for me and our kids and how insecure they also felt when the food ran out each month and we were expected to make two weeks of food stretch over a month. Ugh! It was so hard!
So, I asked God to teach me what unconditional love means… (I didn’t know about feminine polarity yet.)
And He did.
I remember where I was sitting. I was on my bed sobbing my eyes out, trying to have some kind of respect for my husband, telling myself he was doing his best, and feeling like I was not being taken care of at the same time.
It was quite the battle inside of me.
I felt like he had responsibilities that he was not meeting, and the chatter of my injury was intense.
(Remember to read yesterday’s post to know how God taught me to observe my injuries in the space of the breakthrough bubble for safety to express and examine… and especially validate my own injuries to create a space of healing.)
THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF THE DOWNLOAD THAT CAME.
Unconditional love is loving, in my own love language, purely and unapologetically, and not expecting the other person to receive it or to learn how to speak it to me.
It is observing and noticing the love language of others and learning to interpret it as love when they show up speaking their language.
Let’s break this down.
My husband’s primary love language is acts of service. He quietly goes around doing things for me that he thinks I would appreciate.
My primary love language is words of affirmation. I say “I love you” and “thank you” and “I appreciate you” a lot.
The trouble used to come in when we were conditional about knowing what our love languages are.
I thought that if he did his love language to me, instead of learning to speak mine to me fluently, that he didn’t love me enough and he was a jerk.
And he thought if I spoke my love language to him, instead of dishonoring myself and speaking broken “acts of service” to him, then I didn’t love him enough and I didn’t respect him.
Wow. My mind was blown when God told me straight up that I needed to stop deciding that I had to try to people-please (do what others want in order to get “it to work on them” so they will love me, out of fear that they won’t.) him into loving me by dishonoring my God-given primary love language and conditionally trying to speak his primary love language in a choppy, hard to understand way, and just BE ME unconditionally… and more, give him the freedom to figure out interpreting my language, OR NOT…
That was a big moment of trusting God for me.
Enter: understanding feminine polarity
In the book Fascinating Womanhood I am seeing that feminine polarity is created by living this unconditional Golden Rule.
The cool thing is, when we give anyone – man, woman, or child, their freedom to express as themselves, and simply pay attention and receive their expressions of love, pain, etc. for what they are instead of thinking they have to do it like us… we engender love in them.
“SO, THEN WHAT ABOUT ME?”
My injury cried at me because I couldn’t see how I was going to feel FED by just noticing his acts of service. Especially because some of his acts of service were literally “for him, for me”, if that makes sense.
I don’t care about the bed being made. He does. If he makes the bed, he may think he’s doing an act of service for me… but I don’t feel served because I don’t care about the bed being made.
“I REALLY care that he expects me to make it for him in order for me to be loving him enough though! Yuck!”
To that question came this answer:
When we live unapologetically as ourselves, speaking our primary love language unconditionally, just doing love as we would want to be loved without expecting anyone to pick up the clues… something happens FOR us.
Auto-suggestion is when we suggest something to our own minds and our minds pick it up.
When we express our love language, it goes outside of us and our minds see it and it goes back in as an auto-suggestion.
In so doing we feel good.
By loving unconditionally – and it has to be TRULY unconditional, and not so someone will notice – then we auto-suggest love back to ourselves that we automatically receive and can bask in.
Feminine polarity gives people their agency of choice – their FREEDOM!
I know it might sound funky, but this is actually about free will. Freedom of choice.
We get to stop thinking our closest loved ones are obligated to fill our cups.
Christ gave us the formula to have our cups filled with living water. He taught us how to do this.
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” is about freedom of choice.
Imagine if everyone dropped this crazy idea (that I think was planted in our society on purpose to destroy relationships) that other people have to notice when you do something for them in order for your expressions of love to be enough.
In order for you to be enough.
In order for you to feel like you’re doing enough.
Or in order for you to feel like you’re being you the right way. Imagine if we all let that all go and simply unconditionally loved each other as we would want to be loved!
It would be awesome!
I know because I tested it out.
I started doing this about 3 years ago now. Right after I got this download.
My husband did NOT pick up what I was putting down right away. He was too wrapped up in his own stuff to be able to see what I was doing for him AS ME.
But after a couple of years I started telling him that I was noticing him “speaking in his love language to me.” And here and there I let him know that “in the past I couldn’t see it because I was watching for him to speak my love language to me instead of his own.”
I started allowing his love language to feel like love to me when I noticed him speaking it, and I would express appreciation for what he was doing to send love toward me.
LITTLE BY LITTLE HE STARTED SOFTENING UP
And my bucket was getting more filled with every time I successfully expressed in my own love language completely unconditionally.
The thing is, when I was speaking thanks for seeing his acts of service, I was speaking my love language. LOL! Win/Win!
He appreciated knowing that he was being noticed and received, and even understood, so even though words of affirmation aren’t his language, he felt served by my expressions of appreciation.
Who wouldn’t feel served by that?!
If I didn’t know that the Golden Rule is made up of pure, nurturing feminine energy and creates feminine polarity I would be very offended by this book.
But I want to be given MY freedom too.
I don’t want unsolicited advice either.
I think it’s crappy when someone is trying to get me to do things their way too.
Who wants their closest relationship who is supposed to dote on them, to be the one to be constantly asking them to change so that they can be happy?
How is this universal?
In this we can also see that while men are different from women, that feminine energy (not femininity) lives in both men and women and it’s important for both men and women to access the feminine energy of the golden rule in order to auto-suggest love back to themselves and keep their own bucket full.
I did have to endure years of not being interpreted correctly.
I got to learn what unconditional really means because I really couldn’t expect it to “work on him.”
I just got to let it work in ME.
I hope this inspired you.
Catch my love,
Founder and Co-Owner
Shayoli Hope Center For Healing
Singer of Happy Songs
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